Boy if that's not the biggest farce on the planet...
Another one is - sticks and stones may break your bones, but words will never hurt you...
I'm here to tell you, words still hurt. Especially when they come from those you love.
Words that cut like a hot knife through butter, that squeeze the last drop off life out of you, that leave you wounded and bleeding...
In the past 15 months, I've been told I'm a liar, a fake, a bitch, that I'm two-faced, that I only want attention, that I'm too negative.
But what I don't see very often are words of compassion, healing, or life. There are few that are still hanging in there with me (Lord knows I haven't been the easiest one to be around all the time), and to those few I'm extremely grateful!
When you're dealing with great amounts of stress, coupled with crazy unknown medical crap, and getting beat up and beat down by so many individuals in every aspect of life...I don't care who you are, words just hurt.
But it's all supposed to mold and shape you into some kind of inspirational motivational person, right? Maybe, but who's to say when that is supposed to happen? If what doesn't kill you makes you stronger, who says you're not still in the flames of tribulation? Who decides when you're all the sudden supposed to be "stronger" and no longer struggling or suffering? Who created the time frame on becoming that inspirational motivational being? Who says that I am done suffering and suddenly should just "chin up" and get over it? Who put this imaginary time limit on when it's going to end?
I mean, seriously...if you're in constant pain (for more than a year) that Dr's can't figure out and just think you're crazy, you sleep no more than 5 hours a day (not all at once), you have no paychecks (almost 2 months now) because your job is being difficult, you're facing losing your apartment, you were denied the ONLY assistance allotted to you, and your sole transportation blows up...wouldn't you be just a tad bit on the negative/down side? Wouldn't you be just slightly overwhelmed?
But I'm not done. Every day I face the same struggles as the day before, and with any luck nothing more dramatic gets piled ontop the next day. But what if it does? What if I'm at a breaking point where one more straw will break my back? Am I not allowed to vent ANY of my stress and frustration and desperation in hopes that it might ease just a smidgen of the pain? Can I not cry to help shake off some of the burdens that are weighing me down without the added stress of having to be happy while I do?
I'd LOVE to see someone stand in my shoes for just a day. Just ONE day. Go ahead and give up all your luxuries, give up most of your necessities, your independence...and entirely surrender your quality of life. Do that. SURVIVE that. And then we might talk...
Until then, either buck up or back off. Love me, or leave me. And for crying out loud, give me some space, a little grace, and cut me a freakin break..I'm trying to do the best that I can with what I've got to work with at the moment, and if that isn't good enough, there's nothing else I can do. And if you think you could do it better, by all means..trade me places! I could use the break!
But in all honestly, I just don't need any more stress, hate or drama plaguing my already complicated and over the top life right now...
So do like my momma taught me:
If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all..
Treat others the way you want to be treated..
