Friday, May 31, 2013

Wishing Well

defined as a strong desire
a hope for something not easily attained
a want for something unlikely to happen
a wish is never effortlessly gained

but how long do you wait
how much should you fight
for that one very wish
you wished with all your might

how many times can you count
on your fingers and toes
all the wishes of those
who wished you well

how long will you spend
on your knees every night
praying with all of your might
to not feel like hell

grasp that shooting star
find that lucky charm
toss a coin in well
twist my arm

cuz I just wish I was well...

Thursday, May 30, 2013

Hi-Ho..It's Off To Work I Go..

Due to an insufficiency of light being readily available at the end of my tunnel, I'm faced with going back to work..
After several unsuccessful attempts at trying to raise enough money for surgery, I don't see another option. It's too much to raise without having a necessary support system, and far too much for me to do alone. So, if I want to keep this roof over my head, I gotta go back to work. :-(
Not that I don't like my job (because I actually really do enjoy it), but I'm a lil nervous and freaked out. If I had a typical "desk job" it might not be such a frightening thought. But the labor intensive (not to mention the amount of focus and memory needed) job I have doesn't leave much room for me to adapt.
Counting down the days...

Friday, May 17, 2013

Bitter Rants of the Downtrodden

It sucks to watch others get approved by the same Dr's who denied you, TWICE, when you're suffering with the same to worse symptoms as they are.
It sucks to watch as others fundraise and get mass donations in a short time and I feel like I'm pulling teeth for a buck (if I'm lucky).
It sucks to watch "friends" on Facebook share random posts about others they DON'T know who are suffering with things and add "this really touched my heart" kind of messages to it, when they haven't even acknowledged what I'm going thru or bothered to share my fight and struggle...yet they know me.
It sucks to basically be left to raise an astonishing amount of money in an inconceivable amount of time with seemingly no way to make it happen without a pre-existing non-profit, forcing me to have to find a way to "suck it up" and return to work where I'll have to fake it til I make it.
It sucks to feel so alone...
It sucks to see no light at the end of my tunnel yet again.
It sucks being completely let down by ones who forgot about you, when you never forget about them.
It just sucks...a lot.